There’s an attractive girl standing in line at the café, but you’re afraid to talk to her. Following are some tips for overcoming that fear.
You see an attractive woman, but hesitate before approaching her. After all, that kind of move could leave you open for rejection. You think of a number of excuses to run in the other direction: maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she’ll think you’re creepy, maybe you’re too fat or too short, maybe she won’t be attracted to you and therefore you’d be wasting your time. While these things are possible, you’re sabotaging your chances before you’ve even said hello.
Instead of placing your fear of rejection above everything else, romantic relationships are all about taking chances. Many women don’t make the first move with men they don’t know, but they’re open to talking if you approach. Put it this way – she may or may not find you attractive. She may or may not be into you. But there’s no way of knowing unless you take that chance.
A lot of the burden of rejection is placed on men, so many have developed defenses in their romantic pursuits, keeping women at a distance. For example, you may think the more aloof you seem, the more a woman might find you attractive or interesting. The more you avoid her or go out of your way to show you don’t care, the more she’ll want you. While these might be good “tricks,” they don’t lead to much success when it comes to love. Women prefer to communicate, and it’s important to them to know that a man is listening.
While you might not have a lot of “skills” or technique when it comes to approaching a woman, there’s not a lot required. Sure, many women are attracted to good-looking or successful men, or those who have charm. But if a good-looking man approaches a woman and spends his time talking about himself, it’s going to be a turn-off. The best approach with a woman is to keep it short and to be yourself. If you’re funny, make a joke or a witty comment. If you’re shy, tell her you don’t usually approach women in the grocery store but you find her really interesting and thought you’d introduce yourself.
It helps to take the pressure off yourself, too. As professional relationship expert and wing girl Marni Kinrys says, instead of approaching her with big goals in mind –- i.e. you’ll get her number, take her out, have sex with her –- try keeping your expectations in check. Many women are concerned with safety, and if you come on too strong or with obvious expectations they will quickly feel cornered. Instead, approach them with smaller goals in mind — like talking and seeing if the two of you click in any way. Then you can decide whether to ask for her number or to pursue things further.
A woman’s body language is a big indicator too of when it’s best to approach. If she makes eye contact and holds your gaze, if she is by herself and not hurrying through the aisles, or if she smiles at you –- these are all good signs to approach. Sometimes it’s a little harder to discern, like if she’s with a group of friends or seems distracted or depressed you might not feel comfortable approaching her. Don’t linger around too long to consider though, or you risk making her feel uncomfortable. If you’re in doubt, just approach and see what happens. Often women go places with friends, so you might have an audience. It makes you look good to have the guts to approach her in front of her friends, so don’t discount it.
Relationships involve risk, so gather some courage and take some chances. More often than not, these are the most rewarding experiences.